Candice's First Mother’s Day

Who knew my world could change overnight? If you’re a parent, or even if you’re not, you’re probably thinking, “I did!” When I became a mom 14 weeks ago, I knew that throughout the life of my child there would be ups and downs. There would be massive victories and heart breaking failures. I would feel immense unconditional love for this person and I would also have huge frustrations that would seem insurmountable. I thought I was prepared for all of that, I guess I wasn’t prepared to feel all of that in the first 14 weeks of her life.

I love seeing my daughter grow.

When she looks into my eyes and bursts into a smile, I melt.

When she looks into my eyes her little lip juts out in a pout but I just can’t understand what she’s trying to tell me, my heart breaks.

All of these feelings have changed the way I feel about some of the most important relationships in my life.

The way I see my parents after becoming a mom has changed. To imagine that they were once in my shoes watching me grow, and to think of the hopes and prayers they had for my life brings tears to my eyes and gives me so much empathy for the experiences my folks have been through.

It has changed my relationship to God as well. I feel like I have deeper understanding of unconditional love and it’s different than I expected. Regardless of the choices, my daughter makes in her life my heart will always be attached to hers. However, I have hopes and expectations for my child to live her best life. It is not a condition of my love but it is still something I feel deeply. These feelings have helped me realize that God is not listlessly waiting around in my life just to keep me in line when I’m tempted to sin. He cares deeply that I live up to my potential, that I learn from my mistakes and that I find joy. These are all things I feel for my own daughter and I know if I’m feeling them, God’s great love and plans for our lives are so much bigger.

I’m thrilled to be celebrating my first Mother’s Day with contemplation, love, and hope for the future.

Candice